The Granny (1995)

The wealthy and typically feisty Granny Gargoli has a problem: her family is a bunch of gold-diggers just waiting for her to die so they can claim her wealth, and her only support comes from Kelly, her "homely" bastard granddaughter. When Granny finally gets within spitting distance of death's door, her last hope is a mysterious elixir given to her by an organization seeking to preserve the "good" people that's supposed to give her eternal life. Unfortunately, there are three rules attached to drinking the elixir, and failure to follow those rules would cause the drinker to become a malevolent, all-powerful member of the undead! Of course, Granny breaks not one, not two, but all three rules...

I've always had a love for horror films with a familial theme. This one served its purpose well, for not only did the movie feature a killer grandma who resurrects her own family into a monstrous clan of the undead, but also starred a family that's utterly and completely unsympathetic.

This movie is one of those that tries its hardest to be "bad," as in the old cliche, "So bad it's good!" This is harder to do than most people think (unfortunately, that includes even the ones who make these movies) and, while there are some excellent examples of this "so bad it's good" style (such as Peter Jackson's classic Dead Alive), there are some...not-so-excellent examples (such as the "so bad it sucked my ass so hard I couldn't sit down for a week" Satan's Cheerleaders). So generally when I watch a movie that intentionally strives for B-ness I rate it on a scale from Satan's Cheerleaders to Dead Alive, and The Granny happens to fit snuggly in the middle.

Let me start with its good points. The family members are intentionally one-dimensional...they're not there to generate any kind of pathos, they're there. thanks to honesty on the part of the filmakers, so you can cheer on their brutal deaths at the hands of Granny. And brutal their deaths are. You can guess how Granny's plastic surgeon son meets his end. There's also a death scene involving re-animated fur, and another one involving her other son which...well, let's just say that you can actually apply Freud to it. Meanwhile there's our heroine Kelly played by Shannon Whirry who has a string of softcore porn flicks to her name, and judging by her physical appearance one can see how. In fact, one of the film's running gags is the characters mentioning how "homely" Kelley is when she spends the entire film in get-ups that can only be described as cleavage-friendly and she gets her very own undressing scene. But she's not alone, pretty much every female character in the movie gets to bear their breasts (except Granny and the little girl, of course...perverts.)

Anyway, the movie gets really intersting when Granny starts resurrecting her victims to create an undead family reunion. Of course, we're not told how she does this since it looked like she consumed pretty much all the elixir, but oh well. There are some genuinely twisted yet amusing scenes here, which will bring a smile to anyone who has suffered the perils of Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas day. However, it's around here we start to get into the bad points. While the prospect of an undead family is fun, it's not fully explored and is soon given up to make way for the movie's finale. In fact, the way the film's undead villains, including Granny, are depicted is amusing, but not really all that satisfying. Although Stella Stevens is obviously enjoying herself here and she delivers her bad one-liners with a wild energy, they're still bad one-liners that even Freddy Krueger in his later, sadder days would have hesitated to utter.

Still, it's worth watching for its theme and its timeless senseless-sex-and-violence-is-FUN attitude alone. While it may not be another Dead Alive, thank God it's not another Satan's Cheerleaders. Oh, and remember, your family may be from Hell, but at least they're not among the homicidal undead.


Choice Quotes

"I'm going to stay drunk the whole weekend. God I hate Thanksgiving!"

-Aunt Andrea, expressing my usual plan whenever I'm surrounded by family.

Scenes To See:

-The most blatant Exorcist rip-off I've ever seen (well, outside of Amityville 2.)

-The crappy graphics in the intro

-The first Freudian murder scene

-Tyrus' return

-The "twist" ending, which may have worked if it made any sense!

Cast Connections:

You might recognize Brant Von Hoffman (David) as Kyle from Police Academy, but then you'd be too embarrassed to admit it.