Housewife From Hell (1993)

For insurance purposes, John kills his well-meaning but boring wife Melissa. Hauntings from Melissa, lots of breasts, pointless sex scenes, and supposed hilarity follow.

Anyone who knows me or has hung around this site long enough knows that I have a taste for just about any movie, as long as it is at least a little bit fun, a virtue lacking in too many "professional" films. Give me an old John Waters or a shoestring-budgeted Troma flick over American Pie XIV: More Dumb Horny Teens any day. Unfortunately, risque humor is harder to do well than most people seem to think. As John Waters himself said, "There's a difference between good bad taste, and bad, bad taste." Fortunately, though, Housewife From Hell doesn't exactly have bad, bad taste; it's more like a flat bad taste.

That's not to say that this film doesn't have it's moments. It really does; there's a surprise visit from the boss' sadomasochistic wife (who in one scene casually pulls handcuffs and a dildo out of her purse), a finale which has our luckless protagonist held at gunpoint by pretty much every character in the film, and some parading of T&A so unrepentent it becomes hilarious, but each and every time the ball's fumbled in one way or another, either by the generally bad, humorless acting, the overbaking of a decent gag, or the fact that said joke is followed up by something so dry and limp that it completely wipes the previous enjoyment from your memory.

The "plot" as such follows the exploits of a businessman named John after he murders his wife for the insurance. Of course, these "exploits" all involve a frat boy view of sex, either through John's mistress Mary Lou (who bears a creepy resemblence to Goldie Hawn) or the treacherous boss' wife or just some random woman who pops up just for the sake of having sex with John. If any of this implies this movie is good for certain recreational purposes, it's not.

Even worse though is the fact that the dead housewife Melissa does indeed return, but not to kick ass as one would naturally assume from the cover or the title. No, she's just there to accompany some crappy effects invovling colored lights, to torment John in a bland, non-threatening way, and to spout off a bunch of hokey, pseudo-philosophical musings about life and death, revenge, karma, and such. Even worse, when John does get kacked, Melissa, in spite of her occasional gloating through out the flick that John had to die to satisfy the universal balance of justice and yadda yadda, she gets back together ith him, supposedly to spend eternity together. And yes, the movie shows this to be a good thing. The bottom line: Unless you're really desperate for a very low-budget softcore porn comedy or a fourteen-year old male desperate for boobs and cheap dirty jokes, steer clear of this one.

Oh, and let me steal a page from Nathan's book for a moment:

Breasts: 12 pairs!

Choice Quotes

"We have some products here that can be very profitable for you...raise your assets and make you grow..."

-A random woman discussing "business" with John. Of course, a sex scene that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot promptly follows.