Tales From The Crypt - Season 1 (1989)

As if the entire sub-genre were going supernova, there was an explosion in horror anthologies through the '80s and early '90s, just before they more or less vanished from television and theatres. The consistently best, in my opinion, was HBO's Tales from the Crypt, although it had the unfair advantage of considerable financial and creative investment from the very beginning, 1989, to the last season in 1996. Besides the involvement of Robert Zemeckis, Richard Donner, and Joel Silver as producers, the show attracted an eclectic who's who of early-mid 90s Hollywood notables - Adam Ant, Eddie Izzard, Demi Moore, Kirk Douglas, Mimi Rogers, Martin Sheen, Kyle MacLachan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tobe Hooper, and so on - as actors, directors, and writers. The only comparable showcase nowadays is voice acting on "The Simpsons" or guest-hosting on "Saturday Night Live."

Another check in Crypt's column was that it had carte blanche from the FCC since it was part of a premium news channel. Now, as anyone with memories of Cinemax in the '90s can tell you, the premium cable channels already ran far with the leeway they had in determining content; I'm convinced they built their consumer base by promising not only recent, uncut blockbuster films and no commercials, but more T&A than one could get from a dozen episodes of Silk Stalkings put in a blender. However, Crypt, true to the original EC Comics series of the same name, seems to have surpassed even its premium cable family in its penchant for gore and violence.

In spite of the many hands in the kitchen, Crypt remained largely loyal to its source material, enough that every episode except one was derived from the original "Tales From The Crypt" comic or its sister titles like "Vault of Horror" and "Shock SuspenStories." The unique inspiration from these comics, notorious for being a central bogeyman in the hysteria that would bring down decades-long heavy censorship on basically the entire comics medium, is something else that set Crypt apart from other anthology series. The sense that these weren't just horror and crime stories, but short and brutal morality tales for a modern age, was also picked up intact by the showrunners, who understood and appreciated what made the stories click in the first place and ducked the temptation to "modernize."

The first season suffers from two small but decisive flaws: it is very short with only six episodes, and (related to the first) it doesn't quite show the diversity in tone that would mark many of the later seasons. Still, it's a good start, and the episodes themselves are a strong selection, setting up what to expect quite nicely. So let's begin, shall we?

The Man Who Was Death

For years a prison electrician, Niles (William Sadler), also doubled as the institution's full-time executioner, taking pride and pleasure in the latter duty. Things go swimmingly until the state government abolishes the death penalty, putting Niles out of the job altogether, since keeping around the electrician all the prisoners know was the go-to man for executions is a tragic news story waiting to happen. Disillusioned, Niles decides to go freelance...

As with the better Crypt stories to follow, you might be able to see the twist coming from nearly the start, but there is plenty else here besides. With "The Man Who Was Death", you actually have a smart and complex character study, about a man whose sadism and homicidal tendencies are not only justified, but sanctified, by the government and what happens when society suddenly changes its mind. The story is very heavy on narration, once in a while to the point of clogging up the episode's pace, but the material Niles spouts is deftly written and William Sadler has a good grip on Niles' gruff and nihilistic personality. And while the "official" twist may be predictable, the real twist comes from the character's psychology, not the plot.

And All Through The House

Robert Zemeckis (director), Fred Dekker (writer)

On the night of Christmas Eve, a woman (Mary Ellen Trainor) murders her husband and makes plans to run off with her lover. Unfortunately for her, a serial killer with a Santa fetish from a nearby asylum chooses that very night to escape...

This tends to be one of the most well-remembered Crypt stories, although I don't know if it's because of the morbid use of the Christmas motif (and how it seems to have inspired Silent Night, Deadly Night) or because Joan Collins played the role of the murderous wife in the 1972 Tales From the Crypt movie. Anyway, this is a fantastically manic episode, which like all good thrillers keeps up the feeling of claustrophobia while making good use of the episode’s bizarre circumstances and the element that there's also a possibly endangered child in the background. There is one major crack that does threaten to make the whole foundation collapse, though, and it's a problem of suspension of disbelief. The audience is expected to think that the sounds of her mother shouting and a window being smashed in won't wake up a child, but the sound of an umbrella stand falling over will? Maybe it's a small complaint in a story about an axe-wielding Santa Claus impersonator, but it does come close to spoiling the story by putting too much pressure on the viewers' "Oh, Come On!" capabilities.

Dig That Cat, He's Real Gone

A bona fide mad scientist, Dr. Manfred (Gustav Vintas), bribes a young homeless man (Joe Pontaliano) into letting him operate on him, a procedure that would transfer a living cat's nine lives into a human. After discovering that the bizarre experiment was successful the hard way, Dr. Manfred enlists the man's help in a scheme that would make both of them rich for life. The two find a struggling carnival, run by an old-fashioned barker (Robert Wuhl) desperate for original acts. Dr. Manfred presents himself as the manager of "Ulric the Undying", who can kill himself and come back to life before live audiences. The plan goes extremely well at first, but things begin to unravel after Ulric uses his gift to get away with killing Dr. Manfred in an "accident" in order to claim more of the profits.

This one tends to be a fan favorite, from what I gather, and it's easy to see why. It's an excellent piece of social satire, especially once Ulric extends his act to audience participation. The highlight is a man who bullies his son into participating into a morbid "shoot the duck"-esque game starring Ulric in order to prove his manhood. The boy's understandable reluctance is received with boos from the audience. To match the dark fantasy tone, the direction is probably the most artistic of any of the episodes, sprinkled with creative POV shots and theatrical flourishes. It certainly comes across as one of the more distinctive episodes.

Only Sin Deep

Howard Deutch (director), Fred Dekker (writer)

A New York prostitute, Sylvia Vane (Lea Thompson), hopes to one day use her exceptional beauty to land a rich playboy. For the money to get the high-end clothes she needs to infiltrate a party of the elites, Sylvia robs a watch from a pimp and murders him. The pawn shop owner (Britt Leach) she takes the watch to refuses to buy it, but he makes another offer: to buy Sylvia’s beauty with a lengthy grace period to make the return. Thinking the owner is just delusional, Sylvia agrees, and all the owner seemingly does is make a mold of Sylvia's face. Armed with a hefty amount of cash, Sylvia buys an entire wardrobe and uses it very well, but just when she's on the cusp of making her dream a reality the pawn shop owner's grace period runs out...

Between Lea Thompson's starring role, all the 1989 women's fashions thrown around, and the cheesy late '80s techno that provides the soundtrack, it's like having the pure, unfiltered essence of the '80s pumped directly into the eyeball. Lea Thompson, whatever her talents, isn't exactly the best choice to play a street-hardened prostitute and the plot drags a little in the middle with a very unnatural-sounding "erotic" exchange. It all comes together in the end, though, with a genuinely poignant ending.

Lover Come Hack To Me

Tom Holland (director), Michael MacDowell (writer)

A shy, eccentric heiress, Peggy (Amanda Plummer), and her new, handsome husband, Charles (Stephen Shellen), drive off to their honeymoon, but are stranded in a storm and are forced to find shelter in a gloomy, abandoned house. Charles plans to kill Peggy and make it look like they were robbed in order to claim her inheritance, but the person who is really in grave danger is Charles.

This is my own personal favorite from the first season. After all, it's got sex (beefcake and cheesecake!) and plenty of gore; what more could you want from a Crypt story? It's also a neatly constructed story, paced just right with dead-on performances by Amanda Plummer, who as always shows a knack for playing the mildly dysfunctional, and Stephen Shellen, who is an undeniable sleaze but manages to exhibit the traits that must have attracted Peggy to him in the first place. The hints toward the twist may seem obvious, but it's really the wonderfully deranged explanation behind the twist that makes the episode.

Collection Completed

Mary Lambert (director), A. Whitney Brown, Battle Davis, and Randolph Davis (writer)

Jonas (M. Emmett Walsh) lived for his job and finds himself bored after he's forced into retirement, but his real source of frustration is his cheerful, kind wife Anita (Audra Lindley) and her hobby of taking in animals. Anything but a pet lover, Jonas takes actions that are as gruesome as they are drastic, but he underestimates Anita's willingness to retaliate in kind.

Besides perhaps "Lover Come Hack To Me", this is the most quintessential EC-style story in the first season. It has one of the titles' classic formulas, where a generous and likeable person somehow invokes the vicious wrath of the cruel and selfish, but retribution is quick, poetic, and messy. This is largely because, out of the entire season, it's the most faithful to its source, but it also goes a long way to translate to the small screen exactly what made so many of the original stories appealing in the first place. It should also be mentioned that both M. Emmett Walsh and Audra Lindley hit the exact right notes with the material. Of course, animal lovers might want to steel themselves before watching this episode, especially the morbid build-up.

So "Tales From The Crypt" got off on a strong start, even with a short season. The tales are simple but smart, the quality of the action and the production values are more than up to par, and the showrunners are, to try to pull a Cryptkeeper, "committed...literally!" The DVD set is definitely worth at least a rental, especially if you have any interest in anthology series.

Memorable Cryptkeeper Chestnuts

It just goes to show ya; be careful what you axe for for Christmas. You might just...get it!